Finding What it Means to be a Catholic

I'm Catholic - sort of.

My father's background was/is Roman Catholic. My mother's was/is not. At birth I was baptized as a Catholic. However, due to various circumstances, I never went through the process of first communion and confirmation to become a full-blown member of the Roman Catholic Church. In fact, my family and I began attending other churches; particularly one that might be described by many as "Evangelical". As I grew older and more familiar with the Bible, I saw what I considered to be spiritual ugliness and ignorance among Catholics I knew. I began to view Catholicism as misguided - a church that had largely lost sight of Christ and his teachings and was thus inclined to allow it's members to live lives of ignorance, idolatry, and legalism.

Much of that began to change however when, while in college, I met the young woman who would eventually become my wife. She was a devout Catholic, but one unlike any I'd ever met before. She actually had a strong grasp of her church's teachings and of the Bible. She didn't hold so many silly superstitions like so many other Catholics I'd met and she actually lived her life in a way so as not to take God's grace for granted. Most of all, in contrast to so many other Catholics I'd met, she strove to develop her beliefs by examining them critically - even learning about the beliefs of other religions and denominations - something that she continues to do even today.

Long story short, I have become what many people would call "Catholic by Marriage." We attend church as a family at the nearest Parish. We brought our daughter to be baptized and pledged to raise her as a Catholic. I have even been meeting with our priest recently in RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) classes as I try to decide whether or not to "fullfill my baptismal promises."

At this point, I'm still on the fence about the whole thing. On one hand, I have come to see a lot of great things about Catholicism which I hadn't appreciated before that I've seen lacking in other churches. I've come to realize that the ugliness I recognized in the Catholic church, though still prevalent in this area where I grew up, is not extended to every Parish in America. In fact, I find that the beliefs I have come to develop over the years often line up with the Catholic Catechism better than they do with the beliefs of other denominations. Listening to my preist, I get a vision of a Catholic church that is trying to move on from a troubled past - a past that includes everything from the Crusades to the Spanish Inquisition, to misguided, uncompassionate, dualistic religious teaching which continues even in some parishes today.

In theory (or rather theology), I think many protestants would be surprised at how closely the Catholic Church's teachings relate to theirs, especially in terms of morals and ethics. True Catholics, after all, view both abortion and homosexuality as wrong. Contrary to popular opinion, the Catholic Church really does teach people to believe in salvation by faith and acceptance of God's grace through Christ's redeeming sacrifice - not through works and deeds.

Still, I'm reluctant to become a full-blown Catholic. After all, the idea is that, once you commit, to denounce the church is considered apostacy. Despite having learned so much more about Catholicism, I still have this looming feeling that there is some aspect of it I'm ignoring which lies contrary to my own beliefs. Do I have to believe in the authority of the papacy, for instance? What if I disagree with the Churches teachings on some point or another? The impression I get from my priest is that complete agreement with all the intricacies and traditions of the church are not all that important.

But then there are more practical matters. There have been times where I have considered training for formal ministry. In the Catholic church, at least currently, being married and being a clergyman doesn't quite mix, though I suppose there is the possibility of becoming a deacon.

Another issue is the concern I have with the weaknesses I see in the Catholic church around me. The parishes around here are not so effective at evangelism nor religious education of youth. Too many parishioners I encounter seem to have very little familiarity with the Bible in terms of our call to discipleship, ministry, and evangelism. Part of the reason is that these things are not preached nearly as much in the sermons and homilies. People attend church largely because of their background and heritage, but most of them are just "going through the motions." There is very little outreach in the community by members of the Parish. Do I really want to become part of a church that puts so little emphasis on ministry and evangelism? I know that not all Catholic parishes are like this, but ones that equip parishioners for evangelism seem to be in the minority.

After reading books like Gregory Boyd's "The Myth of a Christian Nation" and learning about theologians like John H. Yoder and Stanley Hauerwas, I am beginning to think that my beliefs are more closely reflected in Anabaptism and the Emerging Church movement. Can a Catholic still be part of the Emerging Church?

Perhaps some of these questions will be answered for me in the coming weeks.