Diary of a Stay-at-Home Dad

About five months ago I became unemployed on somewhat short notice. Though I made a dedicated effort to find work elsewhere, my wife was the first to be offered a full-time position. Thus, we traded roles of breadwinner and homemaker and I became a full-time stay-at-home father.

The job has its perks. I don't have to commute. I don't even have to dress up. I can sleep in fairly late. I spend most of the day entertaining our year-and-a-half-old daughter who is brimming with cuteness. I can eat when I want, watch a lot of TV (even if it is Barney and Sesame Street) and I even get an hour break in the afternoon during nap-time.

The work doesn't involve much deep thinking or heavy physical labor. Planning a bi-weekly menu and grocery list is about the extent of mental tasks. Lifting and carrying a 25-pound toddler at several points throughout the day is the most physical strain I undergo. I've grown accustomed to the task of washing dishes, and I actually enjoy cooking most days.

The stay-at-home part can be a double-edged sword, though. I'm literally stranded at home all morning and afternoon with only my daughter to socialize with. I've found it difficult to get much cooking or cleaning done with the little one running about, so I often find myself with chores to do well into the evening. There's not much opportunity for me to separate myself from my work. Home is no longer the oasis of relaxation that it had previously been. The work is tedious, with a routine that makes each day seem just like the last one, adding to the illusion that the work is never really done. It's difficult for me to see the fruits of my labor as I struggle just to maintain the status quo. The only people who even take note of my work are my wife and daughter, and although I am thankful that they show their appreciation to me, I often wish I were in a position where there were others to impress.

My social life is hurting big-time. A large part of that can be attributed to the fact that I live in a sparsely populated region with few other people in my age group. There simply aren't very many people around to whom I can relate. Even if this were not the case, I'm still in a minority among people in their early twenties being both married and a parent. For many reasons, single people tend not to relate as well to married people their own age - even less so if they have a child. Very often I find myself praying that I could just find a group of people (especially other men) my own age who I could socialize with.

Not being employed in the type of job that earns a paycheck has begun to wear at my self-esteem, as well. There are often times I wonder how I will ever return to the workforce. Having had rather poor work experiences after college, I often question my chosen career path. Though I'm comfortable doing the work I do and proud of how well I do it, I wouldn't call it fulfilling. It's becoming harder and harder to believe that I have skills which would be valuable to a paying employer. After all, the training and education that I have gone through has not been put to much use as of late. There are times when it is very discouraging.

All I can do is keep trying to look on the positive side of things. I remind myself that, by staying at home, I'm saving us lots of money on day-care services and allowing us to live out our goal of having at least one of us around at all times to take an active role in our children's development. I try to focus on career possibilities instead of the obstacles. I look for opportunities for social activities that catch my interest.

Though I'm not entirely anxious to be employed full- or even part-time quite yet, I must admit that I'm looking forward to a situation where I can feel like my professional skills are being put to use and I am appreciated and valued by the people working with me and around me. At least, that's what I hope I can experience someday.